Max's mum comes for a visit

The other week Max’s mother stopped by for a quick coffee on her way to the airport (as they live overseas) as we hadn’t seen her for awhile. Max was gearing up to tell her about his upcoming surgery, but was worried about how she was going to take it. I suggested that, Max could ask her how much she wants to know. When his mother arrived she realised she had left her passport at the farm, and that she will have to drive back to get it, significantly cutting into the time she was going to spend with us. Max nearly didn’t ask his mum what she wants to know about his surgery, because she was so frazzled, but I gently nuzzled him to ask. She responded very well, stating that she “of course, wants to know what is happening”. First she asked if it is genital surgery, which Max replied no. She then asked if he was going to get a penis. We both brushed this question off, as this is not on the agenda as yet.

I think many people are naturally interested in bottom surgery (genital surgery) of transsexuals, however it is a very private topic. If you are uncomfortable describing your genitals in detail to someone else, then so is a transsexual.

Max discussed with his mum about his top surgery, and she stated she supports him and wants to know what is happening. This was a huge relief for Max, though we are not sure how much we want her involved as she gets overwhelmed with people having surgery. Max’s dad just had shoulder surgery.

Throughout the visit, Max’s mum referred to him by his birth name, and I referred to Max by his name. His mum pointed out (on her own) that she is saying his birth name because she can’t bring herself to say Max yet, but that she is able to write it (in emails and on the Xmas card). We told her that how she is going is fine and that with time it will come and feel more natural. I told her that I have been calling him Max for a nearly a year now and cannot go back to his birth name. We had a very good conversation about adjusting to Max’s transition, and that we should allow for individual different in how and how quick we adjust. Overall, it was a very positive conversation.