Depression

22/03/10
The depression that Max is experiencing, to my observations, is becoming very heavy and burdensome. He has not attended work since last Tuesday (he has taken Wednesday to Friday off). He went to work today, however he rang me at 8.30 in the morning stating that he just cannot cope anymore. We decided that the best thing for him was to speak to his supervisor and try to get some work he can do from home for the next few days. Max ran me at 10am to say that he was able to do home, which was great. However, his symptoms of depression are getting worse. He is not sleeping well, and his appetite has decreased (even missing meals). he is not participating as much as usual in the household chores, and I need to gently encourage him, which I usually don't need to do. His body dysphoria is getting worse. His self care has decreased; I have had to remind him to continue to shave and he has been wearing dirty jeans for the last week or two (when not at work)). I knew low mood would be part of this, but I did not think it would get so bad so quick. We decided that he needs to see his GP and talk about how he has not gotten an appointment yet with the psychiatrist and how bad his depression is. Also I should say, Max is already on antidepressants and has been for the past few months. When he originally got depressed he started the antidepressants and started to feel better, then he came out as trans and then the depression worsened (due to the wait), even with continuing on the tablets. Max was talking about taking a few weeks off work because of how bad his depression is getting.

I have also noticed that my mood has decreased, well may be more likely it is that I am not coping as well as as I use to with normal day to day stressors. We actually had a bit of a clash this morning, which is really rare for us. It was minor but I felt very low about it. I just keep thinking that this wait, coupled with Max's depression is going to go on for months, and I don't know if I can cope for that long with no answers or movement. I am a planner, an organiser and this I cannot organise. Max is having a bad time waiting too (more so than me I bet). Also having this wait makes it difficult for Max to plan when to tell his parents. He seems that he is stewing in the thoughts of rejection from his family and that this stewing might last until July or August. We have been told that T might not start until then. I would like to tell everyone and just get it over with. I know it will be hard, but it will be hard no matter when we tell them.