More research = less anxiety

29/01/10

I was at work again today, and I was just so glad that it is Friday. Again I could not stop thinking about it and looking things up on the internet. I have noticed that the more I read the better I feel. There are just so many myths and misconceptions about transitioning. The two best website resources I have come across are FTM Australia and Hudson's FTM Resource Guide they helped sort out so many of the myths, misconceptions and give so much practical information and resources.

We decided to tell John and Judy, when we saw them tonight, about Jen considering transitioning. They were the first people we told, and they were fantastic in their reaction, which was such a relief. They stated that they are not surprised at Jen's coming out. They even helped us to get excited about it, which had not yet happened to us at this stage. John mentioned that Jen could then do the the gay men leather bars with him, which Jen got very excited about. Jen has a lot of interest in the Leather scence, and being a leather dyke excludes you from so many men's bar. It is funny to think that when you transition, so many doors open that were closed before. But I guess many doors will close that were once open too.

Today we spoke heaps more about it. I guess we have both done more research and have processed more by now; we could talk to each other about it. I noticed that my anxiety has lessened. I 'came out' as attracted to transmen or as I prefer to put it 'queer masculinity'. Jen helped me to come out with this. She told me she knew. I just didn't want to realise for myself. It seems a bit weird to be attraced to transmen or queer masculinity. But as I come to terms with in, it makes sense. I remember having attractions to gay men over the years and butch dykes (of course). This is why I say 'queer masculinity'.

We spoke to the psychologist today and we have an appointment set up for Friday week. We both feel relieved that we don't have to wait too long. It feels like the cat is out of the bag, and we need to know some answers. I guess the bid one is "Will this happen, will she go through with this?"