I'm just about to start a new job and I have always come out as a lesbian (since I was 18 years old), quite easily and I have never felt uncomfortable with coming out. But with Max transitioning, I don't know if I should come out as a lesbian and then correct them in a few months time? Or if I should just try now and just pretend to be straight? Or do I say I'm queer and explain the whole FTM thing? Is this too full on for a new job, at the start to tell people? I just have so many questions running through my head and I am just not sure what I should say or do? This is something I really need to think about as I have orientation today and I start the job in 2 weeks.
It is a lot easier to come out as a lesbian. People know it, people get the idea. But to say that your partner is trans, especially about the connation of what a 'trannie' is - male to female - is what people generally think about. I asked some colleagues at my other job, who don't know my private life, what does trans mean to you, what does transgender mean, what does transexual mean? (in the context of a new research area). There replies were about men cross dressing, doing drag, drag queens and gay men. Many people do not know that a transexual can be female to male or a transguy/transman. So do I have to explain it all? I don't mind educating people. It is just that I don't want to put people off at the start of a new job, especially when my job is about being someone that people can talk to about their emotions and thoughts. So ... I guess I might just go with the flow and see what feels right.
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We briefly chatted about this yesterday, but I guess on thinking about it, less may be best? The less you share at this stage (and really, is there any need to share anything anyway this early on?) the less you have to 'change' or 'explain' later?
ReplyDeleteOne of the things you might find too is that as a lesbian, it's easy to be able to offer an opinion on something due to personal experience, but you might find with being "queer", it's not as straightforward as that. I find that often I say nothing as to say even something, would require an explanation that puts it into context, would make most people's head explode. You may find the same!
Ali
:)
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI think I agree with Ali. People will make assumptions regardless and given the frequency with which people (gay, straight or other) use the term 'my partner', you may not need to explain much too early on. If you've already started using masculine pronouns there won't be any additional explaining to do in terms of, 'so what does your partner do?' 'oh, he's a [whatever]'.
If people can't get their heads around a woman who loves a man who used to be a woman, chances are they're people you won't end up close to anyway. It'd be nice if that kind of ignorance/closemindedness didn't have to be endured though.
I hope whichever course of action you choose on this particular aspect works well for you though!
Breeder
xo