He told his brother

On Sunday we went over to David and Susan's house (brother and sister in law), all with the intent of telling them. We were very nervous as we were unsure as to what the reaction would be and we do not want to cause family issues. We enjoy their company and seeing their two children (ages 7 and 10 years). Max did not get off to a flying start, and it all come out a bit muddled (due to nerves). With permission I jumped in to finish the story and explain the situation. David started physically shaking straight away and we could see the reaction of coming out was having on him. He started saying some pretty inappropriate things such as "If you see a heart doctor then you have a heart problem, if you see a gender specialist then you have a gender problem". Susan on the other hand was much better. She acknowledged that Max has always been very butch. We talked for about an hour and there were some full on moments, but it ended okay with some hugs. The conversation did flip around from total lack of understanding "you will always be Jennifer" to "you have our support." We (Max and I) are still unsure as to how it will all play out. Much of the difficult part of the conversation was about telling the parents. They did make comments about that we could not tell the parents at all, to telling the parents for us. We are worried that whatever the reaction from the parents will be, this will impact of how well David and Susan cope with it. We do assume that the parental reaction will be negative and that this will influence David (we do acknowledge that he will be in the middle of this, and that we understand it is a horrible position) and turn a mediocre reaction into a negative one too.)

We have had such positive experiences with coming out to our friends and my family that I think we forgot that negative reaction can occur. Youtube shows us that coming out to parents is generally a negative reaction.

The fallout to this conversation his Max on Monday. He looked miserable and I asked him (just before leaving to go to work) if he was okay. He replied that may be he should stop [this treatment]. I was totally shocked by this comment, and due to having to go to work we could not talk about it. I became very upset as I felt that I just did not know what has going on and how miserable he looked. We spoke on the phone a couple of times and knew that we both needed to see the psychologist. We called Vikki and arranged a time to see her, and we ended up seeing her yesterday. By this time we had some distance from the conversation with David and Susan and felt a bit better. Max totally knows that transition is the thing he really needs to do for his life (and sanity) and that he can no longer live the way otehr people prefer. We also know telling the parents is going to be hard and that this will probably go on for years, if they don't cut us out completely.

I never thought I would find myself dating a bald man

The changes are starting to occur, and the process has been slow, which I like. However for Max he would like the changes to occur at a faster rate. I have noticed that he is constantly scanning his body for changes. Pointing out pimples, facial hairs, muscles etc. some of these I don't really see. However I am excited for him. Max is currently on Sustanon 100ml one per fortnight. Well he had two this way, until yesterday when he went to see his GP. He asled his GP for another injection (which he got - so it has been 3 weeks and 2 days with 3 shots) because he felt that the effects were wearing off too quickly. I have to admit that he was moody when his T levels were dropping. Mas has just told me (and his voice is dropping) that he will now have an injection every 8 days or so (when he feels the T dropping and mood swings kicking in), until he moves on to the Sustanon 250mg, which will be his maintenance level. Max told me that they move you to a higher dose or more frequently once you start complaining about mood swings. The mood swings are not fun. Max's moods are more of a high to low rather than being angry or aggressive.

As we were lying in bed last night, I did notive that his hair line has started to change a little. I ended up bursting into laughter as I have the thought "I never thought I would find myself dating a bald man". (On his mother's side there is male pattern baldness). I have realised that I just have to see the funny side of these changes sometime, but it also highlights that it is not just Max that is changing but also my perception of what the future held for me. We all project ourselves into the future; we have plans, goals and dreams. And I have to say, I never saw myself with a bald man. There will have to be some adjustment and I am not sure how to do it. I am just trying not to get too ahead of myself.

Overview of the last two weeks

It will be Max's second T shot tomorrow, so I thought I would write a post about the last two weeks. The effects of T have been mild, as it was only the first shot, but they will still noticable. The effects that we notice were; increased sweating, higher body temperature, some pimples, oilier skin, some fat re-distribution, increased strength and muscle growth (I notive when I hug him he feels harder, which I actually fine quite pleasant!), increased energy, increased sex drive, happier mood (but with some moodiness that resulted in some tears) and some voice changes with a sore throat. As it draws nearer to the second shot (one every 2 weeks), Max reported that he could feel some of the effects wearing off. His voice was back to before T, as was his energy levels and sex drive. The other thing I should note it that, some of the changes may not be directly linked to the T, but the decrease of his low mood could be making an impact. Either way I have been so relieved that he is feeling happier about himself.

Also during the last two weeks, we have both been coming out to a lot more people. The great thing is that we have had not one negative response, overtly or covertly. I am so grateful for the wonderful friends we have. They are our chosen family. We predict, however, that there will be a few negative reponses. One being his family and another friend of Max's who has strong feelings about transitiong. It is such a shame that people can have a hard time with this. I understand that people might not understand transitioning, but there is no need to take it personally or get angry about it. If you know Max, you should not be really surprise about this news. Actually, when we have told people no one has been surprise, and we have had comments such as "I thought that might be on the cards" and "I am not surprised".

The hardest thing for us to have coped with this last two weeks would be gearing up for Max to tell his parents. I guess you just never know how people will react and that causes anxiety. As I said before, there has been some moodiness and it may have to do with the T, but I also feel that the stress of telling this parents have contributed to it.

Thanks to everyone for the love and support.