Max and I drove down to see my Mum yesterday to get her internet organised for her. We had planned that we would tell her today, so I had with me a fact sheet from the NSW Gender Centre entitled "the transsexual person in your life". It is very well written fact sheet explaining terminology, hypothesised caues and website/resources, thus we thought it would be a great starting point for her.
We started the conversation with "You know how butch Jen is ..." and went from there. I felt so nervous, but Mum was SO GOOD. She did not even bat an eyelid. She sat and listened, then told us that she has a friend Sarah who use to be a man. She din't really ask many questions, but it is still early days. We told her about what the changes will be in regards to taking T and having surgery (we did not go into detail about surgery as we did not want ot overwhelm her). We also told her that we have already changed pronouns and that Max has officially changed his name. She picked it up immediately, though she did say that she might forget from time to time. We told her that, we make mistakes too about it, and that we would never jump down someone's throat for this, if it is by accident. We spoke about telling my Dad and how he might reaction and also our nervousness of telling Max's parents. Mum gave her support and love. We could not have hoped for it to have gone any better. She texted me later that night saying "Hi S and Max, just read your paper. Quite interesting! You absolutely have my support. Love Mum".
My Mum is wonderful!
Monday, March 29, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
T - has started
23/03
We went and saw his GP this morning together. I wanted to go because Max has a way of reducing his story so he does not have to burden his GP (bit weird I know, but he is a sensitive soul). We told his GP how bad his depression was and how we don't have an appointment with the psychiatrist (or that we don't even know when we might get one). Max's GP was actually quite shocked that we did not even have an appointment booked (Max stated later that his GP is not shocked often). His GP said is was no point changing his antidepressants and that maybe the thing to do was to start T. So we went through the Informed Consent Method and got a script for T there and then. We were actually quite surprised, as we were not expecting it so soon and did not know if the GP would do Informed Consent. Max's GP offered to do the injection later the same day after Max gets the script filled. As soon as this was offered, Max was starting to smile.
I had to go to work, so Max got his script filled, went back and got his first shot of T. When I got home he was listening to music, doing the ironing and SMILING. It was so great to see. It feels like a weight has been lifted off. I know that we have challenges ahead, but it is good to finially start. We decided to watch some more YouTube videos on the first 4 weeks of testosterone. We did notice that Max was clearing his throat a bit, and he reported that it was a bit sore.
24/03
Last night Max slept poorly. He was unwell due to eating something that did not agree with him, but also he was really hungry (which is not like him especially in the middle of the night). He also felt a little more hot than usual in bed. During the day, today, he noticed that he is sweating more. He better shower every day! I am really quite amazed at how quick some things have occurred.
We went and saw his GP this morning together. I wanted to go because Max has a way of reducing his story so he does not have to burden his GP (bit weird I know, but he is a sensitive soul). We told his GP how bad his depression was and how we don't have an appointment with the psychiatrist (or that we don't even know when we might get one). Max's GP was actually quite shocked that we did not even have an appointment booked (Max stated later that his GP is not shocked often). His GP said is was no point changing his antidepressants and that maybe the thing to do was to start T. So we went through the Informed Consent Method and got a script for T there and then. We were actually quite surprised, as we were not expecting it so soon and did not know if the GP would do Informed Consent. Max's GP offered to do the injection later the same day after Max gets the script filled. As soon as this was offered, Max was starting to smile.
I had to go to work, so Max got his script filled, went back and got his first shot of T. When I got home he was listening to music, doing the ironing and SMILING. It was so great to see. It feels like a weight has been lifted off. I know that we have challenges ahead, but it is good to finially start. We decided to watch some more YouTube videos on the first 4 weeks of testosterone. We did notice that Max was clearing his throat a bit, and he reported that it was a bit sore.
24/03
Last night Max slept poorly. He was unwell due to eating something that did not agree with him, but also he was really hungry (which is not like him especially in the middle of the night). He also felt a little more hot than usual in bed. During the day, today, he noticed that he is sweating more. He better shower every day! I am really quite amazed at how quick some things have occurred.
Depression
22/03/10
The depression that Max is experiencing, to my observations, is becoming very heavy and burdensome. He has not attended work since last Tuesday (he has taken Wednesday to Friday off). He went to work today, however he rang me at 8.30 in the morning stating that he just cannot cope anymore. We decided that the best thing for him was to speak to his supervisor and try to get some work he can do from home for the next few days. Max ran me at 10am to say that he was able to do home, which was great. However, his symptoms of depression are getting worse. He is not sleeping well, and his appetite has decreased (even missing meals). he is not participating as much as usual in the household chores, and I need to gently encourage him, which I usually don't need to do. His body dysphoria is getting worse. His self care has decreased; I have had to remind him to continue to shave and he has been wearing dirty jeans for the last week or two (when not at work)). I knew low mood would be part of this, but I did not think it would get so bad so quick. We decided that he needs to see his GP and talk about how he has not gotten an appointment yet with the psychiatrist and how bad his depression is. Also I should say, Max is already on antidepressants and has been for the past few months. When he originally got depressed he started the antidepressants and started to feel better, then he came out as trans and then the depression worsened (due to the wait), even with continuing on the tablets. Max was talking about taking a few weeks off work because of how bad his depression is getting.
I have also noticed that my mood has decreased, well may be more likely it is that I am not coping as well as as I use to with normal day to day stressors. We actually had a bit of a clash this morning, which is really rare for us. It was minor but I felt very low about it. I just keep thinking that this wait, coupled with Max's depression is going to go on for months, and I don't know if I can cope for that long with no answers or movement. I am a planner, an organiser and this I cannot organise. Max is having a bad time waiting too (more so than me I bet). Also having this wait makes it difficult for Max to plan when to tell his parents. He seems that he is stewing in the thoughts of rejection from his family and that this stewing might last until July or August. We have been told that T might not start until then. I would like to tell everyone and just get it over with. I know it will be hard, but it will be hard no matter when we tell them.
The depression that Max is experiencing, to my observations, is becoming very heavy and burdensome. He has not attended work since last Tuesday (he has taken Wednesday to Friday off). He went to work today, however he rang me at 8.30 in the morning stating that he just cannot cope anymore. We decided that the best thing for him was to speak to his supervisor and try to get some work he can do from home for the next few days. Max ran me at 10am to say that he was able to do home, which was great. However, his symptoms of depression are getting worse. He is not sleeping well, and his appetite has decreased (even missing meals). he is not participating as much as usual in the household chores, and I need to gently encourage him, which I usually don't need to do. His body dysphoria is getting worse. His self care has decreased; I have had to remind him to continue to shave and he has been wearing dirty jeans for the last week or two (when not at work)). I knew low mood would be part of this, but I did not think it would get so bad so quick. We decided that he needs to see his GP and talk about how he has not gotten an appointment yet with the psychiatrist and how bad his depression is. Also I should say, Max is already on antidepressants and has been for the past few months. When he originally got depressed he started the antidepressants and started to feel better, then he came out as trans and then the depression worsened (due to the wait), even with continuing on the tablets. Max was talking about taking a few weeks off work because of how bad his depression is getting.
I have also noticed that my mood has decreased, well may be more likely it is that I am not coping as well as as I use to with normal day to day stressors. We actually had a bit of a clash this morning, which is really rare for us. It was minor but I felt very low about it. I just keep thinking that this wait, coupled with Max's depression is going to go on for months, and I don't know if I can cope for that long with no answers or movement. I am a planner, an organiser and this I cannot organise. Max is having a bad time waiting too (more so than me I bet). Also having this wait makes it difficult for Max to plan when to tell his parents. He seems that he is stewing in the thoughts of rejection from his family and that this stewing might last until July or August. We have been told that T might not start until then. I would like to tell everyone and just get it over with. I know it will be hard, but it will be hard no matter when we tell them.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Waiting and getting ready to tell more people
So there is not much to report as we are playing the waiting game. My only struggle at the moment, is the changing between male and female pronouns for certain people and situations. We have not told everyone yet, but we are getting there. We prefer to tell people face to face (when possible - they live in the same state). I have not yet told my mum and I plan to tell her next time I see her. I'm close to my mum and speak to her a few times per week, and because we have not said anything yet I have to use female pronouns and Max's old name. I have to really concentrate to not slip up. I have actually noticed that using female pronouns for Max feels weird, much more so then when I first started using male pronouns. Male pronouns just seem more correct, more natural. We will be starting to tell more friends and close family soon. I always feel nervous before I tell someone, as I cannot predict what the reaction will be. So far it has all been positive, but then again we have old told our closest friends (who know us and are not surprised with Max's decision. I am still waiting for the first negative reaction and I guess it will come sooner or later.
Also last week I went for an interview to be part of the working group for the Zoe Belle Gender Centre (ZBGC). I was invited a couple of months ago to apply. The interview went really well and I believe that I have some things to offer the ZBGC such as my research skills (and access to a major university's resources), my communication skills (I run workshops and tutorials) and I can give the partner perspective on things. I'll find out in a few weeks time if I have been accepted.
Also last week I went for an interview to be part of the working group for the Zoe Belle Gender Centre (ZBGC). I was invited a couple of months ago to apply. The interview went really well and I believe that I have some things to offer the ZBGC such as my research skills (and access to a major university's resources), my communication skills (I run workshops and tutorials) and I can give the partner perspective on things. I'll find out in a few weeks time if I have been accepted.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Lack of services (and the long wait)
We saw Max's GP on Tuesday to get the referral to the psychiatrist today to start the first move towards getting T for Max. We have decided to go privately, as the wait to go through the gender clinic is too unknown. Max's GP (who has a few tranmen patients) said that he has patients currently, who have written the required essay to the gender clinic and that have been waiting moths to even hear a response. We also found out that there is only one endocrinologist in Victoria working with FTMs (and his bed side manner is questionable) and one surger that does top surgery (breast tissue removal and chest reconstruction). Well we did get the referral to the psychiatrist privately. This psychiatrist is the current director of the Melbourne Gender Centre Clinic. As soon as we got to the car we rang up to get an appointment, as Max is really wanting to start the transition. Unfortunately the secretary said that his book were CLOSED as was not taking on any more patients. Max had not said what the referral was about and the secretary was telling Max to see another psychiatrist. I kept trying to get Max's attention so I could tell him what to say, because I know that we cannot just go and see any other psychiatrist. I was able to get his attention and aks the secretaty to hold. I tild him that he needs to say it is about gender issues. Finally the secretary realised and said that she will talk to the psychiatist and call us back tomorrow. This phone call actually upset us quite a bit. How can there be only ONE psychiatrist in Victoria that is the 'gate keeper' to T and not have any appointments available for people with gender issues? Many people with other needs can see a variety of psychiatrists, but people trying to correct their gender don't even have access to the only ONE. We are also amazed that there is only ONE endo and ONE surgeon too, to treat FTMs in Victoria - surely there is a greater need? Also the need can be quite urgent. So here we are sitting in the car and not having a clue when we get to see someone who can help.
One thing that we did have that day to look forward to was that Max was going to Births, Deaths and Marriages to officially change his name. I was really thrilled that he picked his middle name to be Butch. On Friday he picked up his new birth certificate and his new name is now official.
On Wednesday the psychiatrist did not actually ring back. Max had too. The psychiatrist told Max that he will not be able to have an appointment to eatly May. Max asked if there was another one that he could see, and the psychiatrist replied that there was another one, but that this psychiatrist would need the firts one's second opinion any way. Max did get the other one's number and called him up. The second psychiatrist did not have an appointment until the end of April and he re-enforced that Max would have to see the first one too. Max decided just to wait tuntil May. This is really frustrating. We knew that we would have to eait for a few weeks to see the psychiatrist and then have a few sessions before a script for T is given, we just did not anticipate a few months wait for this. This kind of blew out time line out. not that we have worked one out, but we were getting ready to tell more people including family. At least it has given us more time before we have to tell family so we can think about it more.
Due to the suicide rates for trans* being 47 times higher than the average rate, I really thought that there would be more services avaiable and a shorter wait time. I really thought that if were THE (ONLY) psychiatrist in Victoria that diagnosed and treated trans* that you would put away a slot (15 to 30 minutes) per week or fortnight away for these cases, as they are generally urgent by the time the person has realised that they are trans* and need to see/speak to a psychiatrist (the gate keeper to the services). It would be the responsible thing to do. It is not like the psychiatrist (during the private practice days) could afford to blank out one 15 minute appointment slot once a fortnight!
One thing that we did have that day to look forward to was that Max was going to Births, Deaths and Marriages to officially change his name. I was really thrilled that he picked his middle name to be Butch. On Friday he picked up his new birth certificate and his new name is now official.
On Wednesday the psychiatrist did not actually ring back. Max had too. The psychiatrist told Max that he will not be able to have an appointment to eatly May. Max asked if there was another one that he could see, and the psychiatrist replied that there was another one, but that this psychiatrist would need the firts one's second opinion any way. Max did get the other one's number and called him up. The second psychiatrist did not have an appointment until the end of April and he re-enforced that Max would have to see the first one too. Max decided just to wait tuntil May. This is really frustrating. We knew that we would have to eait for a few weeks to see the psychiatrist and then have a few sessions before a script for T is given, we just did not anticipate a few months wait for this. This kind of blew out time line out. not that we have worked one out, but we were getting ready to tell more people including family. At least it has given us more time before we have to tell family so we can think about it more.
Due to the suicide rates for trans* being 47 times higher than the average rate, I really thought that there would be more services avaiable and a shorter wait time. I really thought that if were THE (ONLY) psychiatrist in Victoria that diagnosed and treated trans* that you would put away a slot (15 to 30 minutes) per week or fortnight away for these cases, as they are generally urgent by the time the person has realised that they are trans* and need to see/speak to a psychiatrist (the gate keeper to the services). It would be the responsible thing to do. It is not like the psychiatrist (during the private practice days) could afford to blank out one 15 minute appointment slot once a fortnight!
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