Max has been on 250 Sustanon for nearly 2 weeks and he has not crashed like he use to on 100, which is such a relief for both of us. I have to admit but last weekend (12th and 13th of June) was really tough for both of us. I have tried very hard to be the supportive partner. I am considerate, responsive, loving and measured in my responses. However I may have taken it a bit too far, at the expense of my own needs. I finally crack. I realised that my needs were not being met and that I had to tell him about it. I felt so torn, I am so protective of his feelings, as I realise he is going through a lot, but at the same time I had nothing left to give as I was not looking after myself. I had to tell him. I sat him down on Saturday morning and told him that I was struggling. It was a very intense conversation, but it was needed. Max has a habit on catastrophising and I normally just try to help him through his feelings, however I finally stood up to these ‘fearing the worst’ thoughts, by saying that it was me that we have to focus on for a while. He listened. But the best thing that he has done the last week is act on it. He has been there for me, he has been more considerate of me, and has become less involved in his own world to include me. I think being on the 250 and speaking to his Mum on Wednesday (yes, he spoke to his Mum and it was a good conversation. She is really doing quite well but more on that later) has helped his mood immensely.
Other changes on the higher T dose include deeper voice, to the point that when he answers the phone with just a “hello” I don’t register that it is him until he speaks a little more. I have actually asked him to answer the phone with “hi, baby” so I know it is him and not a friend or work colleague. Also we noticed the other day that he now has hairy knees.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Telling his Parents – A Rundown of the Last Week
02/06/10
We sent off the email to his parents to tell them about Max’s transition. We have done it this way for a couple of reasons. Firstly they live overseas, and secondly we do not want to deal with their initial reaction. They actually called later that night. We did not answer the phone but let it go to message bank as we were not sure about their initial reaction (and we did predict a bad one). We listened to the message that his Dad left and we were both so shocked. His Dad said that they had received the email and that his Mum is too upset to talk. He stated that they had three ways in which they could react to the news. He could 1) reject the news and reject his daughter, 2) embrace it or 3) accept it. He stated that he is by no means close to embracing it, but that they will try very hard to accept it. He went on to say that he loves his daughter. We thought it a very positive response, especially since we were waiting for a negative one.
04/06/10
Max’s parents reported that they are not ready to speak to him yet, but will be in contact via emails. They are seeing Max’s brother on the weekend, so it will give them a chance to talk to them about it and give support to each other.
09/06/10
Max has still not spoken to them and he is getting a little worried. Max got messages on Facebook from his cousin and aunty wishing him well and giving their support. Max was quite shocked, as his parents have not spoken to him about it yet, but have spoken to extend family about it. I did think it was a bit weird too, however looking at it from an outsider’s perspective; they are probably testing the language and people’s reaction before they speak to Max. I think this is good, as I think they don’t want to say or behave the wrong way.
10/06/10
Max received his first contact from his Mum (via email) today (she is still not ready to talk), which was a huge relief for him as he had not heard from her since he sent the email the Wednesday last week. His Mum’s email was very insightful, in which she reported that she is upset and doesn’t know why (probably grief). Also, she stated that she understands what [Max] has had to put up with during [his] life and why [he] is going down this path. Max also earlier in the week sent them some articles to read that we got from his psychologist, so hopefully that will help and we can start some dialogue soon when they are both ready to talk. Overall, I think it has been a positive initial response however we have to be aware that there will probably be bumps in the road.
We sent off the email to his parents to tell them about Max’s transition. We have done it this way for a couple of reasons. Firstly they live overseas, and secondly we do not want to deal with their initial reaction. They actually called later that night. We did not answer the phone but let it go to message bank as we were not sure about their initial reaction (and we did predict a bad one). We listened to the message that his Dad left and we were both so shocked. His Dad said that they had received the email and that his Mum is too upset to talk. He stated that they had three ways in which they could react to the news. He could 1) reject the news and reject his daughter, 2) embrace it or 3) accept it. He stated that he is by no means close to embracing it, but that they will try very hard to accept it. He went on to say that he loves his daughter. We thought it a very positive response, especially since we were waiting for a negative one.
04/06/10
Max’s parents reported that they are not ready to speak to him yet, but will be in contact via emails. They are seeing Max’s brother on the weekend, so it will give them a chance to talk to them about it and give support to each other.
09/06/10
Max has still not spoken to them and he is getting a little worried. Max got messages on Facebook from his cousin and aunty wishing him well and giving their support. Max was quite shocked, as his parents have not spoken to him about it yet, but have spoken to extend family about it. I did think it was a bit weird too, however looking at it from an outsider’s perspective; they are probably testing the language and people’s reaction before they speak to Max. I think this is good, as I think they don’t want to say or behave the wrong way.
10/06/10
Max received his first contact from his Mum (via email) today (she is still not ready to talk), which was a huge relief for him as he had not heard from her since he sent the email the Wednesday last week. His Mum’s email was very insightful, in which she reported that she is upset and doesn’t know why (probably grief). Also, she stated that she understands what [Max] has had to put up with during [his] life and why [he] is going down this path. Max also earlier in the week sent them some articles to read that we got from his psychologist, so hopefully that will help and we can start some dialogue soon when they are both ready to talk. Overall, I think it has been a positive initial response however we have to be aware that there will probably be bumps in the road.
Moods, Moods, Moods
05/06/10
Max and I both have been struggling with his moods. He is currently on 100 Sustanon fortnightly, and for the last 4-6 days of the cycle his mood is very bad. He becomes very socially withdrawn, irritable, depressed and generally unpleasant to be around. Max does have insight into these moods, but has very limited control over it. When he has had his shot he is the opposite - upbeat, happy mood, chatty and so on. It is a real Jekyll and Hyde situation. I am struggling with this, as these up and down moods are so new to me. In the 2 years that we have been together our relationship has been very stable. We hardly fight/disagree (pre T probably less than 5 times), we can predict each other’s behaviours which leads to a very smooth running relationship. However since he started T, we have had a few fights/disagreements (in the last 2 months probably as many as we had in the first 2 years), and I (and Max) cannot predict his behaviour. At times I have to be measured in what I say and how I say it. I do have to state, that having to tell his parents soon, is also contributing to his mood. Max is extremely apologetic to me about his behaviour, and I understand that he has no control over this. We cannot wait until he starts 250 Sustanon as the mood cycles are suppose to become stable. Fingers crossed.
Update: Max started 250 on the 9th of June – Thank Goodness.
Max and I both have been struggling with his moods. He is currently on 100 Sustanon fortnightly, and for the last 4-6 days of the cycle his mood is very bad. He becomes very socially withdrawn, irritable, depressed and generally unpleasant to be around. Max does have insight into these moods, but has very limited control over it. When he has had his shot he is the opposite - upbeat, happy mood, chatty and so on. It is a real Jekyll and Hyde situation. I am struggling with this, as these up and down moods are so new to me. In the 2 years that we have been together our relationship has been very stable. We hardly fight/disagree (pre T probably less than 5 times), we can predict each other’s behaviours which leads to a very smooth running relationship. However since he started T, we have had a few fights/disagreements (in the last 2 months probably as many as we had in the first 2 years), and I (and Max) cannot predict his behaviour. At times I have to be measured in what I say and how I say it. I do have to state, that having to tell his parents soon, is also contributing to his mood. Max is extremely apologetic to me about his behaviour, and I understand that he has no control over this. We cannot wait until he starts 250 Sustanon as the mood cycles are suppose to become stable. Fingers crossed.
Update: Max started 250 on the 9th of June – Thank Goodness.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Meeting the Community
Max has been quite a bit down on himself about being trans. I think there are two main reasons behind this; 1) we know some transguys that are not the prefect role models, and 2) he feels that his parents will have a really hard time with accepting his transexualism and he has projected this onto himself. I felt that I really had to help introduce him to some really normal, down to earth, positive role model transguys to help him feel better about himself.
When I joined a Gender Centre working group, I met some really awesome transguys. I set up for Max to meet Xander and for me to meet Xander's partner Tara. I, myself are really keen to befriend partner's of transguys. We meet up with Xander and Tara, and had a lovely chat getting to know each other. They mentioned that the next night there was a party to raise money for another guy's chest surgery. We went along and met some more wonderful people. I believe it was a really good experience for Max, as he was able to realise there is nothing weird about being trans. We meet lawyers, teachers, community workers, postgraduate university students. Furthermore, they were in steady relationships (and I thought all the partners were wonderful and interesting people, that I would like to get to know more). They were just a normal bunch of people have a wonderful night. Max reported that the last two nights were a really positive experience for him and will help him deal with his transexualism.
When I joined a Gender Centre working group, I met some really awesome transguys. I set up for Max to meet Xander and for me to meet Xander's partner Tara. I, myself are really keen to befriend partner's of transguys. We meet up with Xander and Tara, and had a lovely chat getting to know each other. They mentioned that the next night there was a party to raise money for another guy's chest surgery. We went along and met some more wonderful people. I believe it was a really good experience for Max, as he was able to realise there is nothing weird about being trans. We meet lawyers, teachers, community workers, postgraduate university students. Furthermore, they were in steady relationships (and I thought all the partners were wonderful and interesting people, that I would like to get to know more). They were just a normal bunch of people have a wonderful night. Max reported that the last two nights were a really positive experience for him and will help him deal with his transexualism.
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