Hairy Knees

Max has been on 250 Sustanon for nearly 2 weeks and he has not crashed like he use to on 100, which is such a relief for both of us. I have to admit but last weekend (12th and 13th of June) was really tough for both of us. I have tried very hard to be the supportive partner. I am considerate, responsive, loving and measured in my responses. However I may have taken it a bit too far, at the expense of my own needs. I finally crack. I realised that my needs were not being met and that I had to tell him about it. I felt so torn, I am so protective of his feelings, as I realise he is going through a lot, but at the same time I had nothing left to give as I was not looking after myself. I had to tell him. I sat him down on Saturday morning and told him that I was struggling. It was a very intense conversation, but it was needed. Max has a habit on catastrophising and I normally just try to help him through his feelings, however I finally stood up to these ‘fearing the worst’ thoughts, by saying that it was me that we have to focus on for a while. He listened. But the best thing that he has done the last week is act on it. He has been there for me, he has been more considerate of me, and has become less involved in his own world to include me. I think being on the 250 and speaking to his Mum on Wednesday (yes, he spoke to his Mum and it was a good conversation. She is really doing quite well but more on that later) has helped his mood immensely.
Other changes on the higher T dose include deeper voice, to the point that when he answers the phone with just a “hello” I don’t register that it is him until he speaks a little more. I have actually asked him to answer the phone with “hi, baby” so I know it is him and not a friend or work colleague. Also we noticed the other day that he now has hairy knees.

Moods, Moods, Moods

05/06/10

Max and I both have been struggling with his moods. He is currently on 100 Sustanon fortnightly, and for the last 4-6 days of the cycle his mood is very bad. He becomes very socially withdrawn, irritable, depressed and generally unpleasant to be around. Max does have insight into these moods, but has very limited control over it. When he has had his shot he is the opposite - upbeat, happy mood, chatty and so on. It is a real Jekyll and Hyde situation. I am struggling with this, as these up and down moods are so new to me. In the 2 years that we have been together our relationship has been very stable. We hardly fight/disagree (pre T probably less than 5 times), we can predict each other’s behaviours which leads to a very smooth running relationship. However since he started T, we have had a few fights/disagreements (in the last 2 months probably as many as we had in the first 2 years), and I (and Max) cannot predict his behaviour. At times I have to be measured in what I say and how I say it. I do have to state, that having to tell his parents soon, is also contributing to his mood. Max is extremely apologetic to me about his behaviour, and I understand that he has no control over this. We cannot wait until he starts 250 Sustanon as the mood cycles are suppose to become stable. Fingers crossed.

Update: Max started 250 on the 9th of June – Thank Goodness.