Max's mum comes for a visit

The other week Max’s mother stopped by for a quick coffee on her way to the airport (as they live overseas) as we hadn’t seen her for awhile. Max was gearing up to tell her about his upcoming surgery, but was worried about how she was going to take it. I suggested that, Max could ask her how much she wants to know. When his mother arrived she realised she had left her passport at the farm, and that she will have to drive back to get it, significantly cutting into the time she was going to spend with us. Max nearly didn’t ask his mum what she wants to know about his surgery, because she was so frazzled, but I gently nuzzled him to ask. She responded very well, stating that she “of course, wants to know what is happening”. First she asked if it is genital surgery, which Max replied no. She then asked if he was going to get a penis. We both brushed this question off, as this is not on the agenda as yet.

I think many people are naturally interested in bottom surgery (genital surgery) of transsexuals, however it is a very private topic. If you are uncomfortable describing your genitals in detail to someone else, then so is a transsexual.

Max discussed with his mum about his top surgery, and she stated she supports him and wants to know what is happening. This was a huge relief for Max, though we are not sure how much we want her involved as she gets overwhelmed with people having surgery. Max’s dad just had shoulder surgery.

Throughout the visit, Max’s mum referred to him by his birth name, and I referred to Max by his name. His mum pointed out (on her own) that she is saying his birth name because she can’t bring herself to say Max yet, but that she is able to write it (in emails and on the Xmas card). We told her that how she is going is fine and that with time it will come and feel more natural. I told her that I have been calling him Max for a nearly a year now and cannot go back to his birth name. We had a very good conversation about adjusting to Max’s transition, and that we should allow for individual different in how and how quick we adjust. Overall, it was a very positive conversation.

Told my Mum

Max and I drove down to see my Mum yesterday to get her internet organised for her. We had planned that we would tell her today, so I had with me a fact sheet from the NSW Gender Centre entitled "the transsexual person in your life". It is very well written fact sheet explaining terminology, hypothesised caues and website/resources, thus we thought it would be a great starting point for her.

We started the conversation with "You know how butch Jen is ..." and went from there. I felt so nervous, but Mum was SO GOOD. She did not even bat an eyelid. She sat and listened, then told us that she has a friend Sarah who use to be a man. She din't really ask many questions, but it is still early days. We told her about what the changes will be in regards to taking T and having surgery (we did not go into detail about surgery as we did not want ot overwhelm her). We also told her that we have already changed pronouns and that Max has officially changed his name. She picked it up immediately, though she did say that she might forget from time to time. We told her that, we make mistakes too about it, and that we would never jump down someone's throat for this, if it is by accident. We spoke about telling my Dad and how he might reaction and also our nervousness of telling Max's parents. Mum gave her support and love. We could not have hoped for it to have gone any better. She texted me later that night saying "Hi S and Max, just read your paper. Quite interesting! You absolutely have my support. Love Mum".

My Mum is wonderful!