Surgery is booked

Max has booked his top surgery for 22nd of March 2012. He is thrilled. I am happy and anxious at the same time. It will be such a relief once it is over. I am anxious at the fact that it is major surgery and that I will be caring for him in another state, without my social support network. However, I am happy that soon Max will feel a whole lot more comfortable in his body. Also, I am looking forward to being able to touch his back – bare skin, instead of through a binder. I believe that Max is looking forward to throwing away binders forever. It must be horrible to wear binders all the time, especially during summer. Lately, Max has been complaining about how hot he is (temperature, not sex appeal), and we have only just hit spring with no hot days over 27oC yet. The testosterone has raised his core body temperature, so we are bracing ourselves for a horrible summer in binders. I guess I should say Max, instead of ‘we’, but I include me, as I will be hearing all about it. At least, we can console ourselves with the fact that this will be the last summer of binding.
Only 156 days to go.

I had a dream ...

A few nights back I had a dream in which Max was post top surgery. The dream was not about Max having surgery, it just happened to have Max in it post surgery. I don’t actually remember what the focus of the dream was, or even if it had a theme or topic (you know what dreams a like). However what I remember is that Max and I were chatting outside in the sun. Max was smiling and shirtless. In the dream, my eyes quickly flickered over his chest scars that were faded, and I noticed that I had a clear sense of how normal this all was. Max being outside, shirtless with his male chest, how this was always meant to be.

After waking from the dream, Max’s post surgery chest felt familiar instead of strange. I noticed that I felt a fundamental change towards total comfort and that I was not so worried about the unknown, as it no longer felt unknown. This dream really let me become familiar with Max’s new chest, before the surgery has even happened. I believe that I was worried about the significant change that top surgery will bring so suddenly, as opposed to the slow changes of T. I really enjoyed this dream and the impact it has on me about feeling more at ease with his top surgery.