Showing posts with label partner. Show all posts
Showing posts with label partner. Show all posts
Monday, August 15, 2011
Update on feeling like a vulnerable liar
I saw my psychologist for our last session the other week, and I realised that I have dealt really well over the last year with the identity issue and feeling like a vulnerable liar. I have recently started a new job, and we all went out for lunch together as a team building exercise as everyone is new at this centre. During the lunch, one of my co-workers asked me if I was engaged or married - I do wear a ring on the fourth finger of my left hand, as we have registered our committed relationship – I answered this question by stating “we are not married, but we did buy a house together 18 months ago”. I was really pleased with myself. I answered the question, giving her enough information without lying or needing to disclose my personal life. Thus feeling like a vulnerable liar solved. I can still be honest and answer a question, while keeping my answers short. Furthermore, I think coming to terms with a new identity has also helped. I truly don’t identify as a lesbian anymore, I tend to just say Femme rather than Femme lesbian. I have also being associating more with people in the Sex and Gender Diverse (SGD) community, than the gay and lesbian community, and as I have reported previously I feel more accepted. I have also recently started POTS (Partners of Trans Society) and still run BFT (ButchFemmeTrans Melbourne). BFT had a special dinner event the other night and we had over 40 people attend. So being more involved in the SDG community, using Femme without the lesbian and running POTS, I have found my identity a queer Femme POT.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Partners of Trans Society (POTS)
I have decided to start a society, for partners of trans*, as I feel there is a real lack of support groups in this area. I already run ButchFemmeTrans, however I also feel the need for something specific for partners of sex and gender diverse (SGD) people. A place were they can be free to talk and ask questions without worrying they are saying the wrong thing. We, POTs, have our own and sometimes different needs compared to cisgendered dating cisgendered, and trans* dating trans*. I don't know what it is like to be trans* and I won't pretend I do. As partners we made need to support them through surgery, talking to their families, being there through the hormone rollercoaster and so on. We have had a couple of catch ups and our next one is on in a couple of weeks. If anyone reading this blog wants to know more, just add a comment and let me know. Or you can email butchfemmmetrans@gmail for more info.
Beside this new society, there is a workshop coming up called "Supporting the Lovers" for partners and lovers of SGD click here for more info. It will be a safe place for partners to share, give and gain support. I hope it goes well.
Beside this new society, there is a workshop coming up called "Supporting the Lovers" for partners and lovers of SGD click here for more info. It will be a safe place for partners to share, give and gain support. I hope it goes well.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Coming out as a partner of a FTM at a new job - some thoughts
I'm just about to start a new job and I have always come out as a lesbian (since I was 18 years old), quite easily and I have never felt uncomfortable with coming out. But with Max transitioning, I don't know if I should come out as a lesbian and then correct them in a few months time? Or if I should just try now and just pretend to be straight? Or do I say I'm queer and explain the whole FTM thing? Is this too full on for a new job, at the start to tell people? I just have so many questions running through my head and I am just not sure what I should say or do? This is something I really need to think about as I have orientation today and I start the job in 2 weeks.
It is a lot easier to come out as a lesbian. People know it, people get the idea. But to say that your partner is trans, especially about the connation of what a 'trannie' is - male to female - is what people generally think about. I asked some colleagues at my other job, who don't know my private life, what does trans mean to you, what does transgender mean, what does transexual mean? (in the context of a new research area). There replies were about men cross dressing, doing drag, drag queens and gay men. Many people do not know that a transexual can be female to male or a transguy/transman. So do I have to explain it all? I don't mind educating people. It is just that I don't want to put people off at the start of a new job, especially when my job is about being someone that people can talk to about their emotions and thoughts. So ... I guess I might just go with the flow and see what feels right.
It is a lot easier to come out as a lesbian. People know it, people get the idea. But to say that your partner is trans, especially about the connation of what a 'trannie' is - male to female - is what people generally think about. I asked some colleagues at my other job, who don't know my private life, what does trans mean to you, what does transgender mean, what does transexual mean? (in the context of a new research area). There replies were about men cross dressing, doing drag, drag queens and gay men. Many people do not know that a transexual can be female to male or a transguy/transman. So do I have to explain it all? I don't mind educating people. It is just that I don't want to put people off at the start of a new job, especially when my job is about being someone that people can talk to about their emotions and thoughts. So ... I guess I might just go with the flow and see what feels right.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
My partner told me
27/01/2010
I'm off to the local shopping centre to do some errands while Jen is at work. I have to get some yoghurt, think if we need any ingredients for dinner (we're having Thai tonight) and pick up her jacket from the alteration place. Jen always buys her clothes in the men's department. I have never known her to wear or purchase any female clothing (including underwear). Two days earler, we were at the shopping centre as I needed one of those super Chinese massages. Jen decided to buy some clothes from the major department store. I always thought she had a good dress style, and I still remember exactly what she wore on our first date nearly two years ago. I also remember the thought "How sexy, a real Butch!"
She had decided on a black casual jacket, however, as always the sleeves are too long. So the next stop was the clothing alteration place. The shop assistant when asking for contact details, did not pick up the fact that Jen was a butch woman. The shop assistant wrote Jed on the ticket. So here I was two days later with a ticket stub for Jed and I was in the chocolate shop next door. I spied a chocolate bar called a 'Yorkie', with the line "Not for girls". I just thought of Jen immediately. She is not a girl; I have never really thought of her as a girl. So therefore the chocolate bar is for her, and I bought it.
Later that night, I gave the bar to Jen. She thought it a hoot. She has always been Butch to me. Butch as in the noun, as in the gender. She said to me an hour or so later. I am thinking of transitioning. I was not surprised, but I could feel a little anxiety in me. We had a little joke about the bar, but we didn't talk too much about it. I gave her my support to explore this with her. The only decision that we made was to talk to her GP and find a psychologist that specialises in it.
We found it hard to find a psychologist that has good experience and a reputation in helping couples make this decision. I remember that last year I was invited (by Aaron - a transguy friend) to attend a workshop at the Zoe Belle Gender Centre for partners of gender variant people. The psychologist was Vikki Sinnott. Last year in August, and I guess this is the researcher in me, I googled her name. I found a peper she wrote for the DHS entitled "Best practice models for the assessment, treatment and care or transgender people and people with transsexualism: A discussion paper for Victoria (Australia)". I downloaded the paper and keep it. I gave Jen the psychologist's name.
I'm off to the local shopping centre to do some errands while Jen is at work. I have to get some yoghurt, think if we need any ingredients for dinner (we're having Thai tonight) and pick up her jacket from the alteration place. Jen always buys her clothes in the men's department. I have never known her to wear or purchase any female clothing (including underwear). Two days earler, we were at the shopping centre as I needed one of those super Chinese massages. Jen decided to buy some clothes from the major department store. I always thought she had a good dress style, and I still remember exactly what she wore on our first date nearly two years ago. I also remember the thought "How sexy, a real Butch!"
She had decided on a black casual jacket, however, as always the sleeves are too long. So the next stop was the clothing alteration place. The shop assistant when asking for contact details, did not pick up the fact that Jen was a butch woman. The shop assistant wrote Jed on the ticket. So here I was two days later with a ticket stub for Jed and I was in the chocolate shop next door. I spied a chocolate bar called a 'Yorkie', with the line "Not for girls". I just thought of Jen immediately. She is not a girl; I have never really thought of her as a girl. So therefore the chocolate bar is for her, and I bought it.
Later that night, I gave the bar to Jen. She thought it a hoot. She has always been Butch to me. Butch as in the noun, as in the gender. She said to me an hour or so later. I am thinking of transitioning. I was not surprised, but I could feel a little anxiety in me. We had a little joke about the bar, but we didn't talk too much about it. I gave her my support to explore this with her. The only decision that we made was to talk to her GP and find a psychologist that specialises in it.
We found it hard to find a psychologist that has good experience and a reputation in helping couples make this decision. I remember that last year I was invited (by Aaron - a transguy friend) to attend a workshop at the Zoe Belle Gender Centre for partners of gender variant people. The psychologist was Vikki Sinnott. Last year in August, and I guess this is the researcher in me, I googled her name. I found a peper she wrote for the DHS entitled "Best practice models for the assessment, treatment and care or transgender people and people with transsexualism: A discussion paper for Victoria (Australia)". I downloaded the paper and keep it. I gave Jen the psychologist's name.
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