Last week Max found out that his contract at his job is not being renewed. This is due to the state government change, and this whole team is being let go. This has really put a spanner in the works. Max has decided that the best thing is to put the surgery on hold, not that he wants to, because it is the best thing to do. He is looking for a new job straight away even though he has 4 months left on his contract. The issue of looking for work now is, all his documentation still states he is female and he passes 100% male. In Australia (and it depends state to state) you have to have at least top surgery and some type of bottom surgery (to make infertile) to change your gender. Max is going to have to find a job that understands and is use to working with diverse people. I’m glad he has time to look for this cultural fit in a new job. Also Max will have to call his past employers and tell them of his name and gender change. It really is a total shame that he could not complete his transition at his current job as they have been really good about it.
We caught up with some friends (a couple) to talk surgery, as Richard will be having top surgery too soon, interstate as well. He stated that Dr. Bartholomeuzs told him that nipple sensation was 50/50 where he told us that is was 100%. At this stage Dr. Hassell feels like the better option. However for now, surgery is on hold.
Showing posts with label decision. Show all posts
Showing posts with label decision. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
A big decision to make
Last weekend we flew to Sydney to see Dr. Megan Hassall on Monday (7th February). We arrived on the hottest day in 4 years, 43 degrees (yuk) and we had flew out of Melbourne as it was experiencing flash floods! Funny to think that we were suppose to fly into Brisbane the day it flooded too, but had to postpone it a week. Australia, this year is not doing well with the weather.
Anyway, Max and I have seen both Dr. Bartholomeuzs and Dr. Hassell. Now Max has to make a decision as to which one to go with. We are going to be discussing it tonight, so I won’t be writing too much now. They both have their positives and negatives. At the moment, Max is messaging and talking to other transguys about their experience with surgery and the surgeons, to help him make his decision.
Anyway, Max and I have seen both Dr. Bartholomeuzs and Dr. Hassell. Now Max has to make a decision as to which one to go with. We are going to be discussing it tonight, so I won’t be writing too much now. They both have their positives and negatives. At the moment, Max is messaging and talking to other transguys about their experience with surgery and the surgeons, to help him make his decision.
Monday, February 15, 2010
It has started - we meet our first health professional.
05/02/10
We saw the psychologist today, and we were both so nervous, but we could not put a finger on why. I thought afterwards that the anxiety might be due to the power this psychologist might have, and her ability to put a stop to this. Anyway, it all went well. She built great rapport with us very quickly. It started with Max stating that he wants a 'sanity check'. At home, we have really had the chance to believe that it will happen, and Max feels that he needs to check that he is making the right decision. Fair enough. During the session we did not get into too much depth as it was the first session. Vikki, the psychologist, was keen to understand Max's story. I contributed only a little, as this is mainly his journey, especially at this stage, the decision making stage. Max was doing majority of the talking, which is hard for him, especially on this topic. I was very impressed. Max will be seeing Vikki again for individual sessions in a fortnight time, and then for weekly sessions. I believe when it gets to the stage of taking T, I will have more to contribute, as there will be more impact on your relationship and myself. Vikki offered individual sessions for me, though I think I will only need this for some coping strategies (i.e., information, communication strategies) when Max starts T and the changes occur (i.e., less emotions, cockiness).
My homework from the psychologist was to think of the "no's" to Max's transiion. My "no's" or I would prefer to say my worries; are that the relationship will break up (and this is a worry anyway and I guess all people have this worry from time to time), or that his sexual orientation will change. We have read mixed information about changes to sexual orientation on the net, and I know that you cannot believe everything that you read. I guess this is more of a question to the professionals if this is likely. I don't think his sexual orientation from females to males will occur. He is a gold star. I think having sex may change for him in a number of ways; more confidence and comfortableness with his body, more desire (increased sex drive due to T), and increase in wanting to explore more avenues (i.e., going to male leather events). All of these I am okay with.
Vikki did note that we were talking as if the decision has been made. We replied that we are really getting into it so we can make the decision. We are allowing ourselves to truely entertain the thoughts/notions of Max transitioning. Only if you fully allow yourself to contemplate it, will you know if you want it or not.
We saw the psychologist today, and we were both so nervous, but we could not put a finger on why. I thought afterwards that the anxiety might be due to the power this psychologist might have, and her ability to put a stop to this. Anyway, it all went well. She built great rapport with us very quickly. It started with Max stating that he wants a 'sanity check'. At home, we have really had the chance to believe that it will happen, and Max feels that he needs to check that he is making the right decision. Fair enough. During the session we did not get into too much depth as it was the first session. Vikki, the psychologist, was keen to understand Max's story. I contributed only a little, as this is mainly his journey, especially at this stage, the decision making stage. Max was doing majority of the talking, which is hard for him, especially on this topic. I was very impressed. Max will be seeing Vikki again for individual sessions in a fortnight time, and then for weekly sessions. I believe when it gets to the stage of taking T, I will have more to contribute, as there will be more impact on your relationship and myself. Vikki offered individual sessions for me, though I think I will only need this for some coping strategies (i.e., information, communication strategies) when Max starts T and the changes occur (i.e., less emotions, cockiness).
My homework from the psychologist was to think of the "no's" to Max's transiion. My "no's" or I would prefer to say my worries; are that the relationship will break up (and this is a worry anyway and I guess all people have this worry from time to time), or that his sexual orientation will change. We have read mixed information about changes to sexual orientation on the net, and I know that you cannot believe everything that you read. I guess this is more of a question to the professionals if this is likely. I don't think his sexual orientation from females to males will occur. He is a gold star. I think having sex may change for him in a number of ways; more confidence and comfortableness with his body, more desire (increased sex drive due to T), and increase in wanting to explore more avenues (i.e., going to male leather events). All of these I am okay with.
Vikki did note that we were talking as if the decision has been made. We replied that we are really getting into it so we can make the decision. We are allowing ourselves to truely entertain the thoughts/notions of Max transitioning. Only if you fully allow yourself to contemplate it, will you know if you want it or not.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Changing pronouns at home
30/01/10
We thought that changing pronouns at home might be a good idea to try things. We both recalled that when I spoke to the psychologist and referred to "Jen" and "she", it felt wrong. Weird, that if felt wrong so quickly.
Max (Jen) and I have friends Aaron and Anabelle, who are a transguy and femme. We met them through the ButchFemmeTrans group about a year ago. We have been inviting them over for dinner for the past 3 months, but both of us have been so busy. We have finally set a date and we also told them about hte idea of transitioning. we have had to tell the people that we have told to keep it to themselves at the moment for 2 reasons. 1) We are still currently at the stage of making the decision to go through with it or not, 2) We don't want it to spread through the lesbian/queer community, we would like to be the ones that tell people.
Today, while we were talking about it again, for the first time we started to use humour. We started having some fun and laughing. Mostly at 'going though puberty stuff, such as the voice breaking'. Also as Max is only showering every 2 days, he will have to shower more as his smell will change. I also found out today, which I never knew before, was that Max has always wanted to shave. And he will have to. I am no experience of kissing anyone with facial hair, and I don't think I will like it too much. I know plenty of straight women who do not like kissing their partners when they have grown a mo for Movember.
The anxiety I am feeling today is about, will it happen. I just feel like I need to know, but I don't know why I have this need. I asked Max how likely he thinks it will go ahead. His reply was that he is 80% sure the transition will occur.
Max is very excited about gettting his gym/work out area organised in the bungalow. We had planned that it would be his space (called it the Butch Bungalow) when we moved in 3 months ago. Today we went shopping and he bought weights and a press table. He has already started working out. He wants to loss the subcut fat before he starts T.
We thought that changing pronouns at home might be a good idea to try things. We both recalled that when I spoke to the psychologist and referred to "Jen" and "she", it felt wrong. Weird, that if felt wrong so quickly.
Max (Jen) and I have friends Aaron and Anabelle, who are a transguy and femme. We met them through the ButchFemmeTrans group about a year ago. We have been inviting them over for dinner for the past 3 months, but both of us have been so busy. We have finally set a date and we also told them about hte idea of transitioning. we have had to tell the people that we have told to keep it to themselves at the moment for 2 reasons. 1) We are still currently at the stage of making the decision to go through with it or not, 2) We don't want it to spread through the lesbian/queer community, we would like to be the ones that tell people.
Today, while we were talking about it again, for the first time we started to use humour. We started having some fun and laughing. Mostly at 'going though puberty stuff, such as the voice breaking'. Also as Max is only showering every 2 days, he will have to shower more as his smell will change. I also found out today, which I never knew before, was that Max has always wanted to shave. And he will have to. I am no experience of kissing anyone with facial hair, and I don't think I will like it too much. I know plenty of straight women who do not like kissing their partners when they have grown a mo for Movember.
The anxiety I am feeling today is about, will it happen. I just feel like I need to know, but I don't know why I have this need. I asked Max how likely he thinks it will go ahead. His reply was that he is 80% sure the transition will occur.
Max is very excited about gettting his gym/work out area organised in the bungalow. We had planned that it would be his space (called it the Butch Bungalow) when we moved in 3 months ago. Today we went shopping and he bought weights and a press table. He has already started working out. He wants to loss the subcut fat before he starts T.
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